FORGIVE me please.: May 2008

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Temporary light.

Your message last night showed me light(a temporary one). Aww. But here i am again. BLOGGING. *sigh*

Unlike my last post, today is not a war-day anyway. I should feel a little lighter. *hope so*

So what will this be all about?
I thanked him early this morning for his message. As i wait for his reply, i made sure i won't be able to go with my sibs' recital practice (on SM). It's my own decision. I do not want to give him another reason to be mad at me. So i "sacrificed",oh-whatever. Until i received a message from him. They(with his family) are going out. OKAY. It's his nephew's graduation anyway. I SHOULD understand. So i kept quiet. Even if it hurts to know that he didn't bother texting me when he woke up, which is a must for us THEN, i zipped my mouth. He even wore a fitted shirt. Gumaganti talaga. Siguro nga nakashorts pa yun e. What's worse, sa kapilya pala yun. So dameng nagkakagusto sa kanya dun. Tapos di pa sya nagtetext ng andun na sila. Enjoy na enjoy? Busy? Ewan ko sa kanya. For sure he's enjoying his situation. Di mapigilan. Di masita. Ewan. Samantalang ako, HINDING HINDI ko sya pwedeng maganun. Ayoko na sanang isipin. Kaso masakit talaga. I even texted him what i am feeling. A.-reply again. Non sense me. I regret letting him know my situation. DAMN. I should've hold on to my feelings. Now, they are in trinoma. He's not updating me. I hate it. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Hey, i should look at the bright side, right? I should get use to this and LIVE with it. I should learn to LOVE it, really. This will only prove that i can move on alone. That i can live alone. Yeah,without him. It will take time though. But i hope everything will turn out right and will go with my plans, oh if i have one. :))

EWAN.

posted by SilentWeeper @ 12:52 AM 0 comments

Monday, May 19, 2008

Innocent questions. Swear.

Last night and this morning.

We're having a hard time to receive messages because of our beloved network. The signal is so haaaard to reach. In short, we receive delayed messages or that's what i thought (perhaps he's just busy and don't/can't/won't reply immediately unlike before). trying to be patient, i waited. i didn't demand. I'M TRYING NOT TO. :))

He then replied. They will go to his uncle's house to swim. Yeah, my anticipation is granted. : His last sms? "Alis na kame." Ok. I replied, "Ingat. Enjoy." Keeping my COOL. :) After that, i still kept texting him, updating him on my stuffs. Until I said i'm going to sleep. He didn't reply. Ok. Maybe tomorrow there will be messages (to myself. hypnotizing myself.). LUCKILY, when i woke up, there's none. OKAAY. I texted him my usual I'm-awake-message. He replied that he just woke up. And it's already 9 AM. (He has a class by 11 am and it will take him 2 hrs or so to reach school). He knows for a fact that both of us do not want anyone of u to be late for class cos it will caught attention. blah blah. I asked him, "papalate ka ba". He answered no. OKAAY. WHATEVER.

This is becoming boring. O well, i'm here to share whatever i want right?. I'll cut it short. Let's go to the point.

WHY DID WE FIGHT? or WHY DID HE GET MAD?
I asked what did he wear last night, he said the cropped gray shirt. I asked, the one he wore on their subic trip with his barkada. he said yes. I asked why is it he wore that kind of shirt with his barkada, he didn't answer. He skipped it, he answers my other messages though. So resend it. He got mad. Freaking mad. "Bakit kailangan pang ibalik yun? Gumagawa ka nanaman ba nga away? etc." WTF. I am just asking. I don't wanna get mad. I know i do not have the right ANYMORE. But heck! i am just,plainly asking! He's the one who made it complicated. FCUK!

Now, i am the WRONG ONE again. I just asked. I just fucking asked!

I will never ask him again. BAHALA NA SYA.

*shrug*

posted by SilentWeeper @ 11:40 PM 0 comments

The fire.

I lied to him, yes. He found it out. I apologized. He still brought the grudge and all. Now, he's a curse-you partner. Every possible curse and hard words you know, i got it all from him. At first, it hurts of course. But i got accustomed to it. Though my heart still aches. :)) I'm trying to keep it cool. I'm having a hard time understanding him but i have to. I don't wanna lose him. At least not now. Not anymore. Never. I'm hoding on. I hope my hands won't slip. *Sigh* That's the start.

posted by SilentWeeper @ 11:26 PM 0 comments

Was this my THIRD??

Again. Again. And again. This is my 3rd blog account. I can't believe. I am here AGAIN.

Know what, blogging comes into my mind when I have this BIG problem which I cannot consume anymore. I hope this account will stay and will HELP. Here, no one knows me. Though I am hopeful that someone, somebody will help me. Will lend an ear and spare some time to console me. *loser*

I am trying to escape. Escape from my fears, from HIS hatred, from HIS love turned angst. :'(

You know right. This blog will contain issues about me and my partner. All about my SUFFERINGS which I know I cannot tell him. It may sound immature, emotional, loser or whatever you call it. But, deperately, i need to burst all of these. All-of-these.

posted by SilentWeeper @ 11:15 PM 0 comments

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Name: SilentWeeper
Home: Lonely Town, Isolated Region, Philippines
About Me: You do not know me. That's it.
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